So, here we are, folks: here comes the holidays! It’s that delightful time of year when family dinners, gift-buying, political commentary, dressing up, constant comparison and world affairs collide to create a lovely cocktail of stress and maybe a hint of doom. And as a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, trauma, DBT and mindful self-compassion, here are my thoughts on how to help you wade through it all… without losing your mind. Preferably.
So, let’s dive into survival tips for managing this season with humor, grace, kindness and maybe a touch of sarcasm (because what’s a good coping mechanism without a little sarcasm?).
Set Boundaries with the News… or Else
The news can be like a 24/7 buffet of doom scrolling, and we all know that one person who treats this buffet like it’s an all-you-can-eat event. Pro tip: Don’t be that person. Set yourself a little boundary with the news—think of it like moderation for your health. You’re here to stay informed, not immobilized by dread.
Action: Decide on specific times you’ll check the news. Maybe even limit it to morning and evening (and absolutely not right before bed unless you enjoy anxiety-themed nightmares). And ask yourself, Am I actually learning something helpful, or am I just feeding my anxiety?
Also, I have really been loving distracting myself with fictional politics – The Diplomat, The Power (the book, not the TV show) – it gives me a feeling of paying attention without being the slightest bit stressful and I actually think I learn a lot from all the research the writers do for books or shows like these. And I can put myself in the character’s shoes and think about how I would do it, which is more fun than thinking about real stressors. It is kind of like how I would much rather clean out someone else’s closet than my own.
Remember: Not Every Family Gathering is a Debate Club
Got that one relative who always knows the best way to bring up touchy subjects? Consider rehearsing phrases like, “Hmm, that’s interesting,” or my personal favorite, “I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one!” Said with a kind smile, this can often steer the conversation into safer waters—say, the merits of pumpkin pie over pecan.
Reflect: Does arguing with Uncle Blank on this really make me feel better? Or can I choose my own peace over proving a point? (If the answer is peace, there’s your answer. If you’d like to prove a point, just don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.)
No matter what the choice, remember your values. Don’t let someone bait you or drag you down when you do not want to go there. Set those boundaries and think of a snarky line to throw out (sometimes a little passive aggressivity goes with that sarcasm) – just make sure it is not hurtful or entitled. You won’t forgive yourself then. And we have all been there.
For the Love of Self-Care, Take a Breather
The holidays are the Super Bowl of stress, and it’s easy to let good habits fly out the window. But if the year-end season is making you want to dive into every family dysfunction (or whatever flavor – picking a fight, food, alcohol, re-enacting adolescent pranks) that comes to mind, it might be time to pause. This is where mindful breathing exercises (think square breathing) and grounding techniques (try the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory exercise) can come in handy.
Bonus Question: Am I about to [pick this fight, inhale holiday cookies, drink eggnog, get out the whoopie cushion] because they’re fun/tasty, or am I trying to smother my holiday stress in old coping skills? All are valid options—just try to give yourself a little space to figure out which one it is. Making a decision usually works out better than just reacting.
Do you know your effective self care strategies? Can you take some of them with you? I will take my dog, my aromatherapy, and my cooling pillow in its bougie silk pillowcase everywhere I travel (OK, I can’t always take the dog).
Get Grounded—Yes, Even in THAT Outfit
Nothing says “holiday” quite like frantically dressing up for an event you may or may not actually want to attend. Next time you’re throwing on that festive sweater, think about grounding yourself with a sensory object, like a bracelet or even a worry stone. (Note: This is particularly handy if you’re about to enter a social situation that makes you want to scream into the holiday void.)
Action: Ask yourself Does this outfit actually feel good? Or am I feeling slightly strangled by this holiday attire? Because guess what—comfort is a legitimate life goal. And comfort is important, especially in stressful situations.
Wearing clothes that you are comfortable in – and hopefully make you appreciate your appearance – is kind of armor. You don’t always need it, but it helps when you do. And we all need clothes like that (or makeup or whatever makes you feel like yourself).
Embrace Your Inner “Holiday Rebel”
Here’s a sweet and spicy thought: You don’t have to do it all. Yes, I said it. Permission granted to say “no” to that extra event or to skip that party if you’re not up for it or into it. Sometimes, bowing out gracefully is the most revolutionary self-care move of all.
Query: Do I want to do this, or am I doing it because I “should”? Your time is precious, so why not spend it where you actually want to be? What do you want to be doing (within reason of course – we’d probably all rather be on permanent tropical vacations)?
Don’t just do things this holiday for others or because of tradition – what holiday things do you actually look forward to?
Quick Gratitude—Before You Roll Your Eyes, Hear Me Out
I know, I know. Gratitude practice? Yawn. But hear me out. Picking one tiny thing each day you’re genuinely thankful for can be grounding. Even if it’s just “I didn’t spill coffee on myself today” or “I only had to deflect two awkward family questions.” Tiny wins count. And this one has a bunch of science to back it up.
Reflect: How can I celebrate small victories, even if it’s just surviving another day of holiday chaos?
Design Your Own Comfort Rituals
Create a few cozy rituals just for you—things you look forward to no matter what. Think of it as creating your own “holiday safe space.” Whether it’s a special tea, a warm bath, or five minutes of doing nothing, these little rituals can give you an anchor point in the middle of all this “festivity.”
Action: What small things make me feel safe and grounded, and how can I build them into my day—even if everyone else thinks I’m “too busy” for self-care? Now go find those things and make them part of your holiday prep!
Be Your Own Kind Narrator
When anxiety rises, try to narrate your experience from a kind, non-judgmental place. Imagine you’re describing your day to a friend who’s seen (and done) it all. Notice your feelings, reactions, and even funny thoughts without judging them too harshly. It can be surprisingly comforting to let yourself feel exactly what you’re feeling without any pressure to “fix” it immediately. Treating yourself like a friend may seem tough, but doesn’t it make sense?
Action: What’s one way I can cut myself some slack today? (Hint: Just admitting things are rough can go a long way.)
Designate a “Safe Snack” for Comfort Moments
Food is often a comfort, and that’s okay. Instead of giving yourself grief over it, try designating one or two snacks that feel both nourishing and genuinely enjoyable. That way, when you need a break or a little comfort, you have a go-to option without feeling guilty.
Action: Ask yourself Does this food actually feel good and grounding, or am I eating to distract myself from something? Both answers are okay—just keep tuning into how you’re feeling. It is called comfort food for a reason.
And Finally… Practice Radical Self-Compassion
In the end, the best way to get through election anxiety, holiday stress, and everything in between is a whole lotta self-compassion. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about letting yourself be human. Have a moment of panic? That’s okay. End up doing something you didn’t mean to – like stuffing a few extra holiday cookies in your face or getting in that same going nowhere discussion with your clueless relative? We’ve all been there. Give yourself permission to feel all the feels without judging yourself for it.
Last Question: How can I be kinder to myself today?
So, as we roll through the politics and right into the holiday madness, remember: you don’t have to have it all together. You just have to make it through, one breath, laugh, and one tiny bit of self-compassion at a time. Happy surviving, y’all!