The Push/Pull of Therapy – Navigating the Gray Areas of Diet Culture & Change

By windoverwaterAnti-Diet, Compassion, WindOverWater

You sit down to therapy, ready to tackle your eating struggles or the nagging feeling that you’ll never measure up. Somewhere between exploring your feelings about dieting, body image, or that one article your coworker sent you about “how to hack your metabolism,” you start to wonder: Am I the problem? Why does this feel so hard?

That’s the sneaky brilliance of diet culture and productivity ideals. They convince you that if you just try harder, eat cleaner, or organize your pantry into rainbow-coded bins, everything will fall into place. When therapy asks you to embrace nuance and reframe your beliefs, it’s like trying to swap out your favorite show’s finale for an open-ended documentary. Not satisfying. Not tidy. And definitely not quick.

It is something that we see, are exposed to, and have to work through every day. And some days will, inevitably, be better than others. There are no hard and fast rules here – only gray areas.

But here’s the thing about therapy, especially for issues like eating disorders, trauma, and the self-compassion we’re all trying to nail: it thrives in gray areas. Learning to sit with contradictions—your love-hate relationship with work, food, or your body—is where the magic happens. It’s also where diet culture and its productivity-obsessed cousin have the loudest, most obnoxious voices.

Why Diet and Productivity Cultures Are Hard to Let Go

It’s no surprise people struggle to challenge deeply rooted beliefs about weight, health, and success. Entire industries profit from telling you your worth comes from being smaller, faster, more efficient, or more “on top of things.” According to a report from the Global Wellness Institute, the wellness market was worth over $6.3 trillion in 2023, with dieting and weight loss contributing heavily to those profits. Think about it: if people actually felt good about themselves, those industries would crumble faster than a stale rice cake.

Add to that the societal reinforcement that smaller bodies equal healthier, more disciplined lives, and stepping away from diet culture feels like a rebellion. It’s exhausting and lonely, especially when friends, coworkers, or even doctors still use terms like “good foods” and “bad foods” like it’s gospel. (Some other triggering and inaccurate phrases & concepts – BMI, obese, pre-diabetic – are all used to minimize/deny healthcare and are incredibly inaccurate and misleading). 

The same goes for productivity culture. The constant grind to do more, achieve more, and look polished while doing it mirrors the false promises of dieting: If you just stick to the plan, everything will work out. But life isn’t a plan. It’s messy, complicated, and full of unexpected curveballs like realizing your therapist wants you to give yourself permission to rest.

Therapy in the Messy Middle

Therapy doesn’t fix you because—brace yourself—you aren’t broken. That might feel like a cop-out answer, especially if you’ve spent decades believing your worth depends on solving the “problem” of your body, your habits, or your inability to become the Pinterest-perfect version of yourself.

Here’s where therapy shines. Instead of promising quick fixes, it invites you to get curious. It says, Let’s sit with this discomfort and figure out what it’s really about. Spoiler alert: it’s rarely about the size of your jeans or how many productivity hacks you can cram into your calendar.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) calls this the art of “both/and.” You can believe in the science of nutrition and still challenge harmful diet culture myths. You can feel deeply uncomfortable with weight-inclusive ideas while also recognizing that weight stigma harms health. Therapy lives in that in-between space, not asking you to pick sides but to hold space for opposing truths.

The Science of Why It’s So Hard

Let’s talk neuroscience for a second. Your brain doesn’t love change. It craves predictability and patterns, even if those patterns suck. That’s why challenging diet and productivity mindsets feels so threatening. A study from Nature Communications in 2021 found that people are neurologically wired to avoid uncertainty. Stepping into the gray areas of anti-diet therapy feels like walking into a fog without a map.

The good news? The brain also rewires itself when given new information and practice. Compassion-based therapies like DBT or mindfulness self-compassion (MSC) help your brain feel safe enough to explore alternatives without clinging to old, unhelpful beliefs.

Humor Is Part of the Healing

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room (who, by the way, doesn’t need to lose weight): this work is frustrating. It’s tempting to roll your eyes at the idea of sitting with your feelings instead of Googling the latest weight-loss drug or cleaning out your inbox at 3 a.m. But humor helps.

Picture this: You’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism, staring at an untouched kale smoothie, and your therapist says, “What if you didn’t have to like kale?” It sounds silly, but that tiny moment of permission might be enough to crack the armor of diet culture’s rules. Laughter creates space for vulnerability, and vulnerability creates space for change.

Practical Tips for Navigating the Dialectics

Here’s where theory meets action. Therapy doesn’t just leave you sitting in the gray—it gives you tools to navigate it.

  • Name the Contradiction: Write down one belief you hold about dieting, success, or your worth. Then challenge it with a compassionate counterpoint. For example, “I need to lose weight to be healthy” might become, “I can pursue health through habits that feel good, not punishment.”
  • Practice Self-Compassion Daily: According to Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer, self-compassion isn’t just a feel-good buzzword. Studies show it lowers stress and improves resilience. Start small. When self-criticism kicks in, ask yourself, Would I say this to a friend?
  • Set Boundaries with Harmful Narratives: Limit your exposure to content that reinforces diet or productivity culture. Mute the Instagram influencer who sells weight-loss tea, or tell your coworker, “Thanks, but I’m not interested in discussing diets.”
  • Celebrate Small Wins: Therapy’s gray areas don’t come with gold stars, but you can create your own. Did you say no to that “30-day cleanse” your group chat promoted? That’s worth celebrating.

When Therapy Feels Too Hard

Sometimes, therapy feels like you’re circling the same drain, especially when you’ve done years of work and still feel stuck. That’s normal. The ebbs and flows of healing mirror real life—progress isn’t linear.

If therapy feels stagnant, talk to your therapist. Ask about different approaches like Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT) or Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT). Sometimes, a new lens or a temporary pause can reinvigorate the process.

Also, give yourself credit. Sticking with therapy or even contemplating change means you’re doing the work, even if it doesn’t feel groundbreaking. Progress might look like realizing you’re tired of kale smoothies. That’s valid.

Finding Hope in the Gray

The hardest part of challenging diet and productivity cultures isn’t just rewiring your beliefs. It’s making peace with the fact that you’re allowed to exist as you are. That’s a radical act in a world obsessed with improvement.

Therapy doesn’t promise to fix your eating struggles, impulsivity, or the tug-of-war between personal and professional values. Instead, it offers hope that you can learn to navigate the tension with less judgment and more curiosity. That might not sound flashy, but it’s where lasting change begins.

So, let’s stop waiting for the perfect solution. Instead, let’s embrace the beautifully messy, gray area where real life—and healing—happen.

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