Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when we’re bombarded with glittery ads about “perfect moments,” told to embrace quality time with loved ones (even the ones we’re actively avoiding), and urged to do it all with a smile on our faces. What could possibly go wrong?
If your answer is “everything,” welcome to the club. The pressure to be joyful, productive, and Pinterest-perfect this time of year often leaves us completely depleted—and dare I say it? Resentful. Throw in the usual culprits like work stress, unresolved family drama, and the ever-lurking societal message that you’re not doing enough, and the idea of resting without guilt feels like a cruel joke.
But here’s the truth bomb: Rest is not only okay, it’s necessary. And I’m here to help you embrace it—without that nagging voice in your head telling you you’re a lazy, no-good holiday ruiner.
Why We Feel Guilty About Resting (Hint: It’s Not Your Fault)
Let’s get one thing straight: Guilt around rest isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a cultural phenomenon baked into us like a perfectly golden-brown pie crust (too soon for food metaphors?). From a young age, many of us are taught to equate productivity with worthiness. Doing something = good. Doing nothing = bad.
Add to that the modern hustle culture (“Sleep is for the weak!” “You can rest when you’re dead!”), and we’ve got a recipe for burnout that would make even Gordon Ramsay cry (maybe).
During the holidays, this guilt gets turbocharged. Instead of being encouraged to recharge, we’re inundated with messages to:
- Be the perfect host – translation: get everything right for everyone. Which you know is impossible, but for some reason we think if we try harder…
- Find the perfect gifts (on sale, of course) for every person you know and some you don’t.
- Bake cookies shaped like snowflakes and gingerbread men (weird, BTW) that are somehow not terrifying blobs.
- “Stay on track” with your health goals, which is diet culture code for “skip the food you love and exercise relentlessly instead.”
In short, society has decided that we’re not allowed to take a break, even when we need it most.
What Happens When You Don’t Rest
Spoiler alert: It’s not pretty.
When you ignore your body’s (and brain’s) cries for rest, you pay the price. Think of it like ignoring your car’s “check engine” light—it’s fine until it’s not, and suddenly you’re stuck on the side of the road in the dark cursing your past self.
Without rest, you might experience:
- Increased anxiety and irritability (who doesn’t want to snap at Aunt Karen during dinner?)
- Physical exhaustion that leaves you dragging through the day
- Difficulty focusing or making decisions (Should I buy this gift? Wait, did I already buy it?)
- Heightened emotional reactions (cue crying in the Target parking lot because they’re out of gift wrap)
- Health issues, because chronic stress is a jerk to your immune system
The kicker? When you finally do crash, the world doesn’t stop spinning. So why not hit pause before you’re running on empty?
Rest Isn’t Lazy—It’s Revolutionary
Let’s reframe this whole rest thing. Rest isn’t the absence of work; it’s what allows you to work, care for others, and enjoy life in the first place. Without it, you’re like a smartphone that hasn’t been charged in days—glitchy, slow, and likely to overheat at any moment.
But here’s the radical part: Resting isn’t just about refueling. It’s about giving yourself permission to exist without proving your worth. And yes, that feels revolutionary in a world that constantly demands more from us. So I’ll say it again: resting is normal and necessary, and you do not have to prove you earned it.
Easier said than done, right? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
How to Rest Without Guilt: Practical Tips for the Holidays
Identify Your Guilt Triggers
What makes you feel guilty about resting? Is it the idea that you’re letting someone down? Fear of being judged? That voice in your head that says, “I should be doing something productive”?
Recognizing these triggers is the first step to shutting them down. You probably need to write them down and remind yourself of them sometimes, too. If you write them down, you may also want to write down the emotions, people, situations, etc. that trigger the guilt also. That way, you know how to handle the triggers and are more likely to notice the ones that crop up that you did not already think of – because there will be some that you do not notice until you are in the moment.
I tell people that guilt is almost always a secondary emotion – that means that there is an underlying emotion (the primary emotion) that we might not be aware of. If we are only aware of and/or addressing the secondary emotion, our attempts will probably not work – we won’t be addressing the underlying issues. Figuring out the difference between primary and secondary emotions can be tricky, but so useful.
Challenge the “Shoulds”
Every time you catch yourself thinking, “I should do XYZ,” pause and ask:
- Is this actually important, or am I just trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
- What’s the worst that will happen if I don’t do this right now?
- Why am I “shoulding” on myself right now?
Often, the world won’t end if you skip a task. (Unless you’re defusing a bomb—then maybe don’t take a break/nap.)
Shoulds are pervasive and insidious and subtle – think about how many times you say “should” to yourself. How often do you say it to other people? Sometimes we get caught in the hamster wheel and do not even realize (kind of like saying “sorry” all the time when we did nothing).
Practice Radical Self-Compassion
If you wouldn’t berate a friend for taking a break, why do it to yourself? Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer someone you love.
Try saying:
- “It’s okay to rest. I deserve this.”
- “Taking care of myself helps me take care of others.”
- “The holiday police aren’t going to arrest me for sitting down.”
Maybe add in some loving kindness? You could do a meditation of course, but you could also just ask yourself what you want for others – and offer it to yourself. I am thinking about things like easy, comfort, connection, health – we all want those, all the time!
Schedule Your Rest
Sometimes, rest feels easier to justify when it’s on your calendar. Block out time for naps, walks, comfort TV binges, or whatever makes you feel recharged. Think of it as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself.
Your self care plan doesn’t go offline during the holidays or any other stressful period – what works for you still works for you and you probably need it more right now – so schedule it!
Start Small
If the idea of full-on rest makes you twitchy, start with baby steps. Take 1 minute to sit quietly with a cup of tea. Stretch your legs. Stare out the window and pretend you’re in a moody indie film or in one of those holiday movies staring out at snow falling.
Small moments of rest add up, and they can make a big difference in how you feel.
Set Boundaries Like a Boss
The holidays are a prime time for boundary violations. Whether it’s your boss emailing you at 9 p.m. or your cousin roping you into their 7-hour cookie exchange, it’s okay to say no. Everyone else’s anxiety does not have to trigger yours.
Try these boundary-setting gems:
- “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now.”
- “I need some downtime, so I’ll have to pass.”
- “No, thank you.” (Short, sweet, and effective.)
- “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t.”
Redefine Productivity
Productivity isn’t just about checking things off a list. Rest is productive because it replenishes your energy and mental clarity. So the next time you’re tempted to guilt-trip yourself, remind yourself that rest is an investment in your well-being.
When Rest Feels Impossible, Ask for Help
If guilt about rest feels insurmountable, or if the holidays are stirring up deeper issues (trauma, grief, perfectionism), it might be time to seek professional support. A therapist can help you explore what’s underneath that guilt and develop healthier patterns.
Therapy is like the gift that keeps on giving—you’ll learn tools to manage stress, set boundaries, and, yes, rest without guilt.
Give Yourself the Gift of Rest
This holiday season, let’s ditch the hustle and embrace something far more valuable: rest. You’re not a better person because you worked yourself into the ground, and you’re not a worse person because you chose to take a nap instead of making homemade eggnog or decorating your house for other people.
Remember, the holidays aren’t about perfection. They’re about connection, joy, and yes, even rest. So go ahead—put your feet up, watch that cheesy holiday movie, or just sit quietly and breathe. The world will keep turning, and you’ll be better equipped to face it.
And if anyone tries to guilt you about it, feel free to tell them your therapist said it’s okay.
Happy resting, friends. You’ve never needed to earn it.
Resources & Links
Mindful Self-Compassion Basics
This post outlines key principles of self-compassion, which align perfectly with the idea of resting without guilt.
Creating a Self-Care Plan
Encourage readers to revisit or establish their self-care plans, even during the holiday rush.
On the Importance of Rest
- Self-Compassion.org: Rest as an Act of Self-Compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff’s website is an excellent resource for exploring self-compassion and includes guided meditations and exercises tailored to moments of self-doubt or guilt. - NPR Life Kit
Offers science-backed tips for letting go of productivity guilt, especially relevant during the holidays. - Headspace
Explains why rest is critical for mental health and how meditation can be a restful practice.
On Addressing Productivity Culture
- Psychology Today
- Verywell Mind: Understanding Burnout – Highlights the signs of burnout and actionable strategies to prevent it, including rest.
On Setting Boundaries
- Brene Brown Learn to say no with confidence, especially during busy seasons, while honoring your own needs.
- APA Practical advice for setting limits with family, work, and social obligations.
On Self-Care and Mindfulness
- Calm Blog Explores mindfulness techniques for navigating holiday stress and embracing rest.
- Harvard Health Blog Medical insights into the physical and psychological benefits of intentional rest.
- Greater Good Science Center Research-based practices to boost happiness and reduce stress around holiday obligations.