Self-Care for Humans, Not Algorithms

By windoverwaterUncategorized

Self-care is one of those terms that’s been thrown around so much it’s started to feel meaningless. It’s become a weird mix of Instagram-worthy spa photos and stern advice from wellness influencers who seem suspiciously stress-free. But for the rest of us mere mortals, self-care often feels like just another thing we’re failing at.

If you’ve ever thought, “I should really prioritize self-care, but I don’t even know where to start,” or “Who has time for this?” or even “What is self care?”—you’re not alone. For many of us, self-care is more complicated than lighting a candle and calling it a day.

So, let’s talk about what gets in the way of self-care and, more importantly, how to create a routine that’s sustainable, reasonable, and guilt-free.

Why Is Self-Care So Hard?

It seems like taking care of ourselves should be the easiest thing in the world, right? But for a lot of people, it’s incredibly difficult. Here’s why:

Cultural Pressure to Be “Productive”

We live in a world that glorifies busyness. If you’re not grinding 24/7, you’re made to feel lazy or unworthy. Taking time for yourself can feel indulgent—or worse, selfish—when you’ve been taught that your value lies in how much you accomplish.

Guilt Complex

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt guilty for resting, saying no, or prioritizing your needs over someone else’s. (Spoiler: That’s most of us.) Guilt is one of the biggest barriers to self-care because it convinces us that doing something for ourselves is wrong.

Perfectionism

The perfectionist trap sounds like this: “If I can’t do self-care perfectly, I shouldn’t bother at all.” Perfectionism can paralyze us into inaction, turning self-care into an unattainable ideal instead of a practical habit.

Unrealistic Expectations

Self-care is often sold to us as a full-time job. Between journaling, yoga, meditation, meal prepping, skincare routines, and gratitude lists, it can feel like there’s no room for, you know, real life.

Trauma & Emotional Blocks

For people with a history of trauma, neglect, or low self-worth, self-care can feel unfamiliar—or even unsafe. If you’ve been conditioned to put others’ needs ahead of your own, prioritizing yourself might stir up feelings of discomfort, shame, or resistance.

Burnout

Ironically, the times when we need self-care the most—during stress or exhaustion—are often the hardest times to implement it. When you’re already running on fumes, even simple acts of care can feel overwhelming. Reading Suggestion: Mindful Self Compassion for Burnout by (two of my favorite resources) Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer, their latest book that came out in September 2024. 

The Truth About Self-Care

Let’s get one thing straight: Self-care isn’t about perfection or aesthetics. It’s not about transforming your life in one fell swoop. It’s about small, sustainable practices that support your mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

Here’s the real truth: Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as the cliché goes, and you certainly can’t show up for others if you’re constantly running on empty. Real Self Care by Dr. Poojma Lakshmin is a great read and really lines up with my thoughts about self care. 

How to Break Through the Blocks

The good news? Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or guilt-inducing. Here’s how to start small and keep it realistic.

Redefine What Self-Care Means to You

Forget the Instagram version of self-care. What actually makes you feel better? Maybe it’s a 5-minute walk, a cup of tea, or simply sitting in silence. Self-care doesn’t have to look a certain way; it just has to work for you. Think about recharging, restoring, energizing things that you are interested in – it’s different for everyone. Here’s my list: Making a Realistic Self-Care Plan.

Some ideas that aren’t bubble baths:

  • Setting boundaries with that one person who drains your energy
  • Saying no to commitments you don’t actually want to do
  • Eating a meal you enjoy without multitasking
  • Taking a break from doomscrolling (seriously, put the phone down)
  • Comfort TV
  • Pet the dog 
  • Go outside today and just breathe for a moment.

Start Small (Like, Really Small)

If self-care feels overwhelming, scale it back. You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start with one small thing you can do consistently. 

Examples:

  • Take three deep breaths when you wake up.
  • Drink a glass of water before your morning coffee.
  • Stretch for two minutes before bed.
  • Play Wordle or another “brain game” that does NOT stress you out.
  • Hang on a stretch bar (I got this one from this article).

Small steps build momentum, and momentum leads to habit.

Ditch the All-or-Nothing Mentality

Self-care doesn’t have to be an hour-long meditation session or a perfectly executed workout. A 5-minute break is better than no break. Half an hour of sleep is better than pushing through the night. Done is better than perfect.

Challenge the Guilt

Every time guilt creeps in, ask yourself:

  • “Who benefits when I neglect my needs?”
  • “Would I judge a friend for taking a break?”
  • “What’s the worst thing that happens if I put myself first for 10 minutes?”

The answers will remind you that guilt is often a liar, and it is often a secondary emotion (that comes from a situation or another emotion from our past, not just the present). 

Set Boundaries Like It’s Your Job

Boundaries are a form of self-care, and they’re absolutely essential. If your plate is overflowing, it’s okay to say no—or delegate. Remember, every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else (like your sanity).

Be Flexible and Kind to Yourself

Life happens. Some days, your self-care might look like a healthy meal and a yoga class. Other days, it might look like ordering pizza and binge-watching The Great British Bake Off. Both are valid.

Self-care isn’t about sticking to a rigid routine; it’s about meeting yourself where you are.

Create a Realistic Routine

A sustainable self-care routine isn’t about doing everything. It’s about doing enough. Here’s a simple formula:

  • Daily: One small thing (e.g., a stretch, a moment of mindfulness, a nourishing meal).
  • Weekly: One slightly bigger thing (e.g., a therapy session, a workout, or an hour for a hobby).
  • Monthly: One thing that feels like a treat (e.g., a massage, a day off, or a date with yourself).

Celebrate Small Wins

Every time you prioritize self-care, no matter how small, acknowledge it. Instead of focusing on what you didn’t do, celebrate what you did do. (Yes, brushing your teeth counts. No, I’m not kidding.)

When Self-Care Feels Impossible

If self-care still feels out of reach, consider whether deeper issues might be at play. Are you battling burnout, unresolved trauma, or chronic stress? If so, it’s okay to ask for help.

Therapy can be a game-changer for understanding why self-care feels so hard and learning tools to overcome those blocks. Think of it as self-care for your brain. Others, especially a stranger that is trained to look for this kind of information, can really help you get at that information and give your suggestions for managing it. 

You Deserve to Take Care of Yourself

Self-care isn’t about being perfect or ticking boxes on a checklist. It’s about recognizing that you’re human and that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

So, let go of the guilt. Start small. Say no when you need to. And remember: You’re allowed to rest, recharge, and prioritize yourself—because the best version of you is one that’s well cared for.

Now go do something kind for yourself, even if it’s just sitting quietly for two minutes. You’re worth it.

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